The book they got him
by Robmeister2010
Summary: Sheldon reads the book they got him...
1. Chapter 1

Penny struggled up the stairs to the fourth floor. Mentally chastising herself for agreeing to do a double shift at the Cheesecake factory, she glanced at her watch. 10.15 pm.

"Good lord!" came a familiar cry from inside apartment 4A. It sounded like Sheldon, but he was usually in bed at 10.00. Pennys curiosity peaked, she eased open the door.

"Sweetie, you OK?" she asked observing sitting in his spot with a peculiar look on his face. He looked across at her with a pitiful look on his face.

"Whatcha reading?" she asked noticing the book in his hands.

"Leonard agreed to take me to the comic book store for a special release of Batman comics if I agreed to read that book you all got me." Sheldon whispered anxioiusly. A small smile crossed Pennys face.

"Scary stuff huh?" she asked.

"I'm not sure the human body was even designed for some of these positions!" cried Sheldon. Penny moved round the couch and leaned over the back of it to read over his shoulder.

"Damn, that looks good." She whispered.

"It most certainly does not. The human body is not designed to be placed under that kind of stress. You could get all kinds of muscle problems." Sheldon informed her.

"You'd have a bloody good time while you were doing it though." She smirked.

"Penny, blasphemy is not required. I think I will get another cup of tea before moving onto the next chapter. Though what a wheelbarrow has to do with coitus is beyond me." Said Sheldon. Penny stifled a laugh.

"It's not a real wheelbarrow Sheldon, it's the name of the position." She grinned.

"The implication being that there is a wheel underneath one of the partners?" Sheldon asked. Penny rubbed her forehead to avoid mocking him for his naivety.

"Let me show you." Said Penny.

"I hardly think that's appropriate!" cried Sheldon leaping off the couch. Penny rolled her eyes.

"I didn't mean literally stupid! I meant there's probably a diagram in the book!" said Penny.

"I need my tea." Said Sheldon casting the book to the relative safety of the coffee table and making his way to the kitchen.

"Bit late to be having tea isn't it? You won't get to sleep with all that caffeine in your system sweetie." Said Penny tipping herself over the back of the couch to land unceremoniously across all three cushions.

"Leonard told me he would only take me if I got through the whole book before I went to bed." Said Sheldon.

"But you've hardly started it. You'll be up all night." Said Penny. Fighting with herself at the innuendo that filtered into her mind at her last comment, she reached forward and grabbed the book.

"I have no choice. Do you know how important that comic book is?" he asked.

"To you or to me?" asked Penny sarcastically.

"To me of course. I am well aware you do not share my interest in comic paraphernalia." Said Sheldon.

"So Sheldon…when two people like each other very much…what happens?" Penny asked teasingly. Sheldon gave her a glare informing her of his displeasure.

"The male of the species inserts his penis into the female of the species." Said Sheldon.

"Well remembered." Smiled Penny.

"Eiddetic memory." He reminded her.

"Of course. The whole point of intercourse is…?" asked Penny.

"Beyond me." Sheldon finished.

"Sheldon!" Penny warned.

"Fine. The point is in two parts. Firstly, for procreation and the continuation of the human race. Secondly for recreational purposes. To quote a phrase I did not particularly care for on page 7…when people want to engage in carnal activities." Said Sheldon.

"I don't believe it said carnal activities." Said Penny.

"That's what I chose to read, that's what I am sticking to." Said Sheldon.

"Talking of sticky…have you read the chapter on male masturbation?" smirked Penny.

"I hardly need to read that chapter. I have undertaken such a release to supplement my Kolinar in resisting the urge to undertake carnal activities with a member of the female species since my teens." Said Sheldon. Pennys mouth fell open.

"You jerk off?" she asked shocked

"Penny, must you use such crass terms?" he asked cringing.

"I'm sorry. I guess I just didn't think of you doing…that." Said Penny.

"It's not like I'm short of material. Leonard has such a wide collection I'm surprised he has time to pine for you during your episodes of relationship breakup." Said Sheldon.

"Leonard understands why we broke up. Let the guy have some fun with his mags." Said Penny.

"I do not share such a view. The walls are thin and it is most offputting when it disturbs my REM sleep." Said Sheldon.

"Wait, so you can hear…?" asked Penny.

"Yes." Sheldon replied.

"So when Leonard and I used to have sex…?" she asked.

"Why do you think I gave you a strike for screaming out a deity I do not believe in?" asked Sheldon.

"Oh…no!" cried Penny covering her face with the book.

"Excuse me." Sheldon replied, suddenly nearer. She pulled the book off her face to notice he was standing over her, glaring at his spot that her feet had unconsciously made home. Penny sat up so that his spot was vacated and he sank back down into it with a cup of tea in each hand.

"Two cups at once?" Penny enquired.

"One is for you. I have long since given up trying to teach you that post 10 pm is not a respectable time to be visiting people." Said Sheldon. Penny gratefully took the cup.

"I suppose I'd better continue." Said Sheldon holding his hand out for the book.

"Why don't I just read it to you? Then you can take on the information without having to look at all the diagrams." Said Penny.

"That's very helpful. Thank you Penny." Said Sheldon.

"You're welcome sweetie." Said Penny. Running through the book was much more efficient and finally they reached the final paragraph.

"…a happy and efficient sexual experience for both parties." Penny finished.

"is that it?" asked Sheldon.

"It is." Said Penny.

"Thank god. You must excuse me." Said Sheldon trying to sit forward. Penny looked up from the book and burst out laughing.

"Sheldon you've got a boner!" she squealed.


	2. Sheldons relief

"I knew that book would be trouble." Muttered Sheldon after a moment.

"What is it that got you going? Was it the bit about…"

"PENNY!" Sheldon interrupted, not wishing her to continue.

"Aww sweetie. I didn't even know you were capable of getting excited. Do you want me to go so you can…take care of yourself?" Penny asked gently.

"I shall have to alter my schedule further and have a shower. The cold water should suffice." Sheldon replied.

"You don't want me to give you a hand then?" Penny smirked. Sheldon stood up.

"I'm going, I'm going!" cried Penny getting to her feet as she predicted a strike wasn't far away.

"Please see yourself out." Said Sheldon heading down the hallway. Penny laid back across the couch.

_Who knew Dr Whackadoodle could get excited like that? All from a simple book. God, if he saw a naked woman he'd probably explode._

Penny cast a glance down the hallway and sighed.

_I was mean to him. I shouldn't have teased him. Damnit Penny, you know he's not OK with this sort of stuff._

Penny headed down the hallway and stood by the bathroom door. Penny froze in shock at what she heard on the other side of the bathroom door.

_Is he…he can't be? I thought he was having a shower?_

Pennys curiosity got the better of her and she carefully eased open the bathroom door. Even Sheldons Vulcan hearing wasn't strong enough to hear the noise and Penny froze for a second time as she caught sight of something she never thought she'd see. Doctor Sheldon Cooper. On the edge of the bath tub. With his hand down his pants.

"Ohhh…" Sheldon groaned. Penny tried to look away, but found herself transfixed by the sight in front of her.

_I shouldn't be looking. Oh god. What am I doing? He's really enjoying himself. Imagine what he'd get out of it if it was my hand doing that. Holy crap on a cracker! I did NOT just imagine giving my ex boyfriends roommate a handjob!_

Penny stumbled back slightly, and managed somehow to close the bathroom door without Sheldons Vulcan hearing managing to hear. She raced down the hallway and across the hall to the safety of her apartment.

_Oh my god! I did NOT just watch Dr Whackadoodle jack himself off! It's not possible. This must be some crazy nightmare. That can't have happened. Not him. Not Sheldon._

Penny ran for the bedroom and closed the door, throwing herself onto the bed. She let out a long sigh, deciding she should go to sleep and try to forget it. But every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was the same vision. But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was the excitement building between her legs when she thought of it. She reached under the bed and pulled out a shoebox, pulling out 'Charlie', her favourite toy.

"I am NOT doing this because of him!" she told herself. Before she managed to get any further, the knocking ritual on her door rang out. Penny managed to get the toy put away and get to the door after only two rounds of knocking and name recitals, so she had a moment to gather her thoughts before opening the door.

"Sheldon." She whispered glancing down at the floor, unable to look at him directly.

"Penny, I wish to apologise for my rudeness a moment ago. It is not a gentlemanly act to leave a guest on their own." Sheldon stated softly.

"I understand. You needed to…have a shower." Said Penny.

"Penny, whilst you do not share my facial tics whilst lying, we both know that is not true." Said Sheldon. Penny found a spot on the floor that looked incredibly interesting.

"I know you came into the bathroom." Said Sheldon. Penny looked up in surprise.

"But I was so quiet. I thought your Vulcan hearing hadn't heard me." Said Penny.

"It didn't. But when I went to head out of the door I could smell the fragrance of your shampoo in the air." Said Sheldon.

"I'm sorry Sheldon." She whispered.

"There is no need for an apology." Said Sheldon.

"I just wanted to apologise for teasing you. Then I saw you doing…that." Said Penny quietly.

"I did not express my thanks for narrating the book for me. Thank you Penny." He replied. Penny looked at him dumbfounded.

"Sheldon, how can you be so calm about this? I walked in on you in the bathroom and you're not giving me a strike, a lecture, nothing?" she asked.

"Would you take any notice of the strike if I gave you one?" he asked.

"No." Penny replied.

"Then it makes the very action of strike giving irrelevant to our situation." Said Sheldon.

"Do you feel…better now?" Penny asked, blushing slightly in a rare feeling of shyness.

"I have successfully released the pressure upon my genital region." Sheldon informed her. Penny blushed even more. Hearing him of all people state something like that seemed strange somehow.

"I should let you get to sleep then." Said Penny.

"Very well. Goodnight Penny." Said Sheldon turning on his heel. As he closed the door to his apartment Penny did the same with hers. She moved through to the bedroom and pulled out the shoebox and Charlie once again.

"I can't believe Dr Whackadoodle is getting me in the mood." She whispered to herself.


End file.
